PotMozza Balls Recipe

Since depression makes me like to eat more, sometimes I make something for "fun" to make me feel less empty and lonely. So pathetic, but at least I make something good, am i rite?

And the other day, my friends and I made something so yummy and so easy to make, so I want to share it with you guys. It only took 30 minutes for us to make it. I call it PotMozza Balls, potato stuffed mozzarella cheese, can you imagine how good it tasted? Sooo good, I'm telling ya.

So here are all the ingredients that you'll need:
-250g Mozzarella cheese, cut it into small cubes
-2kg Potato
-Flour
-1 Beaten Egg
-1 bag of Cheetos
-Salt
-Pepper

And here are how to make it:
1. Peel all potatoes and cut it into quarters
2. Put the potatoes in a large pot, cover it with water and bring to a boil over medium-high heat and cook until the potatoes are tender about 20 minutes.
3. Drain them well, and mash the potatoes in a bowl
4. Mix it with a pinch of salt and pepper
5. Take some mash potatoes into your hands, put a small cube mozarella, and roll the potatoes in your hands
6. Freeze the potmozza balls for about 5minutes
7. Preheat a deep fryer
8. Crush a bag of cheetos until it looks like breadcrumbs and put it on a plate
9. Dredge the potmozza balls through the flour,  then the eggs, and finally the cheetos crumbs
10. Fry it in the hot oil until golden and crispy about 1-2 minutes  11. Drain on paper towel
12. Taa-daa!!! It's ready to serve with whatever sauce you like

I hope you guys try this out, you could make it for a party, if you have a lot of friends unlike me.

So Done With Boys

I can't believe I'm talking about it again. Boys? "What's wrong with boys?" you may asked. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM. If I know, I would've not felt so confused about it. Everything feels fucked up. Whatever I do seems so wrong. I'm just so tired of it. I mean, how the fuck stop these messed up feelings?

Never have I ever, have a boy friend that will be proud to be my friend, that will tell people that I'm his friend, that will introduce me as his friend  to his friend? THE ANSWER IS NEVER. I'm not saying that I need them to do that, but if they do, I just feel more appreciated. I feel like they like my company, but they won't tell. I MEAN, WHY??? Is it because I'm ugly? I'm fat? So fucked up!

If you're saying, "you just gotta find a right boy that will be proud of you." THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT, okay? ALL BOYS ARE THE SAME, like literally the same. LIKE ALL OF MY EXES EMBARRASSED TO TELL HIS FRIENDS THAT I'M HIS GF, well except 2 boys. AND I GOT PLAYED TOO MUCH, TOOK ADVANTAGE TOO MANY TIMES. ARE THEY EVEN HAVE A FUCKING HEART?!?!?

I really can't believe I'm mad just because of boys. Something isn't so important, they're so worthless to think about. I should've thinking about something else, such as food or what movie should I watch. Boys are so worthless and pointless. I should've live in Wonder Woman's place, where is no boy population. Cause I'm a strong woman who need no fucking man.

Reasons Why Sometimes I Feel Suicidal

Hey, it's me. Ready to tell you my rant...again...as always, feeling bluetiful (I made that up, that means when you're feeling blue/sad but also feeling beautiful at the same time).

So, my previous post is about a few lame tips for people who have suicidal thought. I don't know why, but I feel the need to keep up the theme. So, I was thinking why not telling why I feel it, why I feel that way. Because you know, some people would say, "oh you're just following the trend, just stop it and forget about it."

Let's just be honest here, the thought won't go away from me. Like at least I have suicidal thought once a month, or even worse, once a week.Like one day I'd feel all fine, and the next day I'd feel I just want to die or never existed at the first place, and then I'd be okay again. That's how it works for me.

The reasons why I never do it because I never have a gut to do it. Because everybody knows that it's gonna be so freaking painful. So, actually I'm still looking for a way to do it painlessly, even though I know there's no way to do it without feeling any pain. And the other reason is that I'm afraid of uncertainty of the afterlife. Because you never know what's going to happen, just like life, you'll never know what's gonna happen tomorrow.

I believe that everyone has their own reasons why they feel suicidal. I have my own too. And you're about to read it. I don't care if you don't believe it, I'm not gonna trying to make you believe it anyway. No matter how many proofs I give to you, if you don't believe it in the first place, you'll never believe it.

Depression is like the main reason why I have suicidal thoughts so many times. But there are reasons why I have depression that which is make me have suicidal thought. 

1. Loneliness
I remember when I was young, I'd hit my head as hard as I could to the wall, and I'd stop when I feel tired. I also remember, I'd cry so hard under the table in the living room in the dark. I remember I was blaming myself for being so sad, for being so lonely. I remember I had depression when I was young and never asked for help. I do had friends at Elementary school, but as soon as I entered my house, the depression hit my face like a truck. And during waiting for my parents to came home, I'd do literally anything to make myself not lonely, and when the loneliness hits me, I'd cry myself out or hit my head to the wall.

Somehow the depression gone when I entered Middle school until High school. Maybe because when I got home, I didn't have a chance to feel lonely, because my mom is already back from work. But now it comes back. I do have friends, 3 amazing best friends. But they're all busy, and I'm here jobless, not going to college. So, I cannot talk to them whenever I want to talk to them because I'm afraid that I'm gonna interrupt them.

This feeling makes me feel so worthless. I feel like nobody wants me at all. So, I always think, if nobody wants me anymore, what's the point still living this miserable life?

2. Financial Crisis
I'm jobless, but not totally jobless. I help my mom at the cafeteria of a big company, and somehow our income is decreasing. You know everything needs money such as electric bills and food. It's just so frustrating that we have so much to pay but we have less income. I feel like this is my fault, I just make my Mom's life more harder than before, that's why I have suicidal thought, I think if I die, her life would be easier, so much easier.

3.Abusive Family
Last but not least, my abusive family. This one is super complicated to tell, so hard to put it into words. 
But the point is they are not physically abusive but mentally, and you know what, it hurts more than anything. My Mom abused me physically a couple times but the pain will gone in 2-3 days.

So...Please Kill Me. Just Kidding. But seriously tho, kill me already. Anyway, thanks for coming by. Bye